Said simple pie man

I have a rule that it has to take about two minutes to prepare my lunch for work in the morning or I won’t do it. This ironically precludes sandwiches, which take too long to put together. To make up for this extreme laziness, I set out on a mission to make the most labor-intensive dessert known to man…homemade cherry pie. The other day, we picked cherries from a friend’s tree. We ended up with a grocery bag full of them. What to do with so many cherries? Why, the most tedious culinary venture possible, of course. One hour after I’d begun, I had…the crust…not even baked yet. Three hours after I’d laboriously pitted cherries and assembled things, a pie…had begun to meltdown in the oven. The taste verdict? Saright. Cherries weren’t super-ripe and I think I taste the shortening. Definitely not worth three hours, though.

Lessons learned:

• Enough sugar can make anything taste…sweet.
• No, you can’t just add a little water because you thought it needed it. Yer pie will explode, man! Won’t someone think of the hull integrity? (You have to seal (press) the bottom and top crusts together.)
• Cling wrap can smell your fear and becomes more entangled as you become more frustrated.
• Cherry pitting is not “suffering for the art”.